Confusing ....

Something makes me quite suddenly then I think about my self and my old dream. There is no other word except "I want to get Monbu to go to Japan!" when I remind my dream. It's hard when you know that I'm still here, in Indenesia. When I realize that there will be long and hard way to get it. At least I stiil need to sacrifice for the next 3 years to get brilliant GPA and research to get my dream. I don't know how can i get it easily. It diturbed my mind for many times.

Perhaps, I'm afraid if I'll regret it someday. But, I need to stand up for it. I don't know what make me so curious on that. When I go to Japanese Embassay in Jakarta, the spirit to go Japan came on my mind. Then, when I saw the office for Visa, I said to my self : "When I can get into the room for making Visa to Japan?"

When I read my senior's blog living in Japan, then they always mentioned kind of plane they've taken on, it drove  me to the imaginary for "Will I be like that? But when?"
This also makes me wanna cry everytime I brood over it. 

I like searching for website for everything about Japan, but I'm sad when I know that I keen on something I desire to be, but I'M STILL HERE!

There's a chance for me to get monbu S1 this year, but it has been making me confuse. You know, I have to acquisce my 2,5 year just passed away then start a college from the beginning. It's hard to be accept for me and also my parents. They never get along with this. I realize that. Then I think for another reason. I try to find out why there was no such a good initiative to apply monbu last year, just after my high school graduation?? I just forgot it! What a silly thinking!

Then I get the positive thinking. Perhaps, It's not a right time. Not for S1. Perhaps, I have to graduate from a national university in Indonesia. Besides, It's been 1 year passed by. Hmm, eventhough that's still hard to convince myself that I can do better to the next 3 years. 

Perhaps, my mom's right. I need to forget my dream for a while because it will disturb my mind and makes me far from my spirit to study. The way I want to get high score just come without being encouraged. But, at least, I will print a picture of Japan, so that I can encourage my self to get always good score in every subjects.

Try hard, Pray, and give it all to God. 
I know You know my dream, just like when I was sad that I wasn't accepted in senior high school I desire. 
But, 3 years later, I can study at UI with a smooth way. 
It also because my parent's praying for me. 
Mom, you know what I dream of all this long time.


Cut said…
tetep semangat ayu..
kalo ngga S1 kau pasti bisa ke Jepang buat nerusin S2 sama kayak kak mutiara :)
jangan menyerah ayu, kamu pasti bisa :) hehe
semangat ya...
Ayu Nuradi said…
hohoho, makasih banget cuuttt...
I'll always remember this..
Dikau jg cut, jangan menyerah untuk lanjut di Eropa! Banyak peluang beasiswa ke sana,,
Cut, semangat juga ya!
Cut said…
iya, kita sama-sama berjuang ya buat lanjutin S2 ke luar negeri :)
insyaallah kita bisa yu.. hehe

jadinya kamu tetep ikut tes monbu atau ga?
haha, iya cut, aku mau mulai serius semester 3 ini, hwahaha, tapi tetep gak ngoyo, capek juga klo terlalu ngoyo, hehe..
ayo kita berjuang Cut !!!

gak cut, kayaknya aku gak diterima, batas akhir kmrn, tp aku blm ditelpon sm phak kdubes, hhe
berarti emg Allah gak menghendaki aku brgkt thn ini dan untul S1. Jln aku emg dh d UI.

Kalopun Allah mengizinkan u/ S1 di sna, mgkn aku bkalan inget u/ apply monbu pas abis lulus SMA, tp aku bner2 gak inget sama sekali, aneh kan.
Emang udah jalannya..

Ayo kita berjuang !!
Cut said…
aku juga mau mulai serius semester 3 ini. ga ngoyo tapi semangat hehe

ga apa-apa yu, mungkin jalan kita emang S1 di UI dulu, baru S2 sama S3 di luar negeri :) hehe amin

kita sama-sama semangat ya buat cita-cita kita :) nanti kalo udh mulai kuliah, kita belajar bareng lagi ya :) hehe
jadwal jg cut kalo bisa ..
smoga dpt yg gak aneh2 dosennya.
Cut said…
iya, amiin. semoga kita ga dpt dosen yg aneh2 hehe
semester 3 kita samakan jadwal ya :) hehe

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